Understanding School Refusal
Not every absence means a child is being defiant. Sometimes, it’s not that they won’t go to school, it's that they feel they simply can't.
We’re seeing more young people struggle with what’s known as school refusal and, unlike the odd day off or bunking a lesson, this goes deeper. It is tied to anxiety, stress, and a feeling of being overwhelmed. Often it is misread as bad behaviour. But in truth, it is often a sign that something else is going on beneath the surface.
School refusal, sometimes referred to as emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA), is when a pupil finds it extremely difficult to attend school. It is not because they don’t want to learn, but because the thought of going to school triggers panic, distress, or even physical illness.
For some, the stress builds slowly. For others it is an immediate response. Either way, the impact on their education, wellbeing, and family life can be huge.
There’s no single reason behind the current school refusal rise, but there are a few common threads:
- Post pandemic disruption. After long spells at home, many children have found it difficult to return to busy classrooms, early starts, and social pressures.
- An increase in children struggling with anxiety. Many children are also undiagnosed neurodivergent pupils trying to cope in environments that don’t suit their needs.
- Social stress and bullying, including what happens online, can make school feel unsafe, even if the adults around them aren’t aware.
- Pressure to perform. Fear of failing, fear of being judged, fear of letting people down. These fears are real, especially in high-achieving environments.
- Family life events. Illness, bereavement, separation, or simply chaotic routines at home can all feed into attendance issues.
In many cases, the young person can't explain why they feel unable to attend, they just know they can’t cope.
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Spotting the Signs
It’s not always obvious, especially early on. Look out for:
- Complaints of feeling unwell on school mornings—often vague aches or nausea
- Panic attacks or emotional outbursts linked to getting ready
- Frequent lateness or reluctance to leave home
- Changes in sleeping or eating patterns
- Sudden dip in engagement or school performance
- Clinginess or fear of being away from home
- Mood changes or withdrawing from friends
These signs mirror teenage behaviour but trust your instincts. If it’s happening often, something is wrong.
If school refusal goes unrecognised, it doesn’t just ‘fix itself.’ It can quickly snowball into:
- Lost learning and a widening achievement gap
- Greater anxiety and a drop in self-esteem
- Social isolation and disconnection from peers
- Conflict at home as routines become strained
- Escalation into safeguarding concerns, especially if the child becomes ‘off the radar’
Time out of school can be incredibly damaging if the root cause isn’t understood and the child supported.
The Profound Toll on Parents
School refusal doesn’t just affect a child, it affects the whole family. The strain of trying to get a distressed child into school can lead to feelings of guilt, self‑doubt, and desperation. Parents often try every approach, only to be met with judgment from others or a sense that they’re failing as carers. The daily challenge can dominate family life, affecting mental health, relationships, and financial stability.
For many, this results in feelings of isolation, depression, and burnout. In some cases, parents have to reduce working hours or give up their jobs entirely, creating long‑term impacts on careers and financial security. The emotional cost of supporting a child through school refusal is significant and often overlooked, making it vital that families are met with understanding and compassion, as well as practical support.
What Can Schools Do?
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer but there are ways to help:
- Start by listening. Ask open questions and give the pupil space to talk about what’s going on.
- Work with parents, not against them. Most are desperate to help but feel lost or judged.
- Avoid shame or pressure. Pushing too hard can backfire. Support plans need to build slowly and flexibly.
- Consider adjusted timetables or partial / phased returns. Some children need to rebuild their confidence step by step.
- Train staff to understand school-based anxiety. Not just safeguarding leads—teachers, support staff, office staff, and lunchtime supervisors too.
- Use calm spaces or ‘check-in’ options for children who feel overwhelmed on arrival.
- Bring in outside help early. Mental health support, SEND teams, or EWO services can help.
Most importantly, don’t wait for it to become a crisis before acting.
School refusal isn’t laziness. It’s a red flag that something isn’t right. And behind every day missed is a young person who might just be trying their best to hold it together.
By recognising the signs, having patient conversations, and offering steady support, we give those pupils the best chance to return, not just into the building, but into learning, friendships, and hope.
Sara Spinks
SSS Author & Former Headteacher
4 August 2025
